It has been nearly 30 years since my spirit was transferred from darkness to light, my person became a New Creation, and my mind was opened to the transformations that come from ‘hearing’ the voice of God, of listening for that still small voice to guide me, encourage me, correct me, fill me, heal me and transform me. I recently heard myself say to a friend, “The Lord spoke to me…” (about what I can’t recall just now), and I stopped after that declaration and simply pondered what I had just said: “The Lord spoke to me.” “The Lord spoke to me.” “The Lord spoke to me…” He spoke…to ME! No matter which words I emphasized, I was awed. And humbled. And grieved. Oh! how I have taken for granted this Voice, this gift of words, of touch, of melody and harmony singing into my spirit…. the voice of God!
And who can describe it so that anyone seeking can surely identify it? It has so many sounds….
…I was a child. I sat bolt-upright in my bed, scared, immobilized, for I heard my name – “Susan” – plainly spoken. Clearly and intensely enough to have woken me. But no one was there. I was alone, and yet I knew I was NOT alone. I QUESTIONED it.
…I was about 12, at a piano lesson. My teacher was the pastor’s wife of a church I did not attend – I would NEVER attend, I knew – and I couldn’t play one night; I just cried. I didn’t understand why I was crying, but she held me, comforted me, and told me of a ‘love of God’ for me that simply spoke to me. It was God’s voice through her mouth. I SENSED it.
…I was at a school assembly in those same years and a group from the local Salvation Army Corps were singing about God. Oh my the singing! Words and melodies and harmonies and music as I’d never heard before. And they looked so happy! I thought it was weird, all those singing, smiling faces…and yet somehow I knew it was real, genuine. I never looked like that! They had something I didn’t have. I could SEE it.
…I was sitting on the edge of my bed – I’m 19 now – and it’s 2 AM. The room is spinning. My head is throbbing, my stomach is churning, my body is weeping and my heart is dying. I say to the darkness and emptiness surrounding me, “There HAS to be more to life than this!” I was desperate for Life…desperate for Truth…. desperate for love and meaning and forgiveness and wholeness and peace and purity and HOPE!! God was wooing me. I KNEW it.
….I was 20. I was AT a service in one of those churches I knew we would never attend! After months of listening to him tell me about Jesus, about God’s love for me in a Saviour who died for me, my boyfriend reached for my hand and said, “I’m going forward. Are you?” I had no idea what it meant to ‘go forward’, but I knew I had to do it. The pastor’s wife said, “Do you want to know Jesus as your Lord and Saviour?” And I knew I did! I said, “Yes… I do!” I BELIEVED it.
…..I was 39. I had been betrayed. I was broken. My truth was not truth anymore. I was afraid and angry and confused and depressed and desperate and frightened and hurt and inconsolable and undone. I cried out in utter angst to the Keeper of Me, ” Oh God, the betrayal! O MY GOD, THE BETRAYAL!!….. And as the calm after the storm stills the sails, His tender voice stills my heart and whispers Truth again, “I know how you feel.”…. And I see the cross. And I hear his words, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they’re doing.” I am in the holy presence of the Only One who has suffered more, been betrayed more, been forsaken more than I. And He embraces me with his loving plea, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” I SURRENDERED to it…. And I was healed.
In all of my 49 years, I have ‘heard’ God in the eyes of my betrothed, the cries of my babies, the whispers of dying loved ones, and in the songs of my heart worshiping Him in spirit and in truth. The Lord has spoken to me, is speaking to me, and will continue to speak to me until I see Him face-to-face.
He is always speaking.
Those that have ears to hear, let him hear…
“My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me; and I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand.…” John 10:7-28
BIO:
Susan Boland grew up in Newfoundland but makes her home on Vancouver Island, British Columbia. Wife, Helper and biggest Fan, for 26 years, to hubby Dean. Mother of seven, six on earth and one in heaven. Worshipper, singer, reader, writer, homemaker and manager of all things ‘Boland Family’.
