My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.” (Job 42:5 NIV)
During the challenging times in life, it can be easy to question the Lord. “Why?” “Where are You?” “Do You really care?” “How can You possibly be working all of THIS out for my good, like Your Word says you will?” Regardless of how strong a person’s faith may be, these are all likely questions we ask God when we are facing seemingly endless, and insurmountable problems.
I began having seizures in the fall of 2002. Given that I had Spina Bifida and Arnold-Chiari Malformation II, my doctors were careful not to assume that either of those conditions were the cause of the seizures. They wanted to make sure that a new, unidentified problem, hadn’t developed. After numerous medical tests, doctor’s visits and significant deterioration in my vision and other aspects of my health, the diagnosis was confirmed that the Arnold-Chiari Malformation was the source of my problem.
There was a surgery that could be done to help. This surgery wouldn’t totally fix the malformation, but if all went well, it could save my life. I was told about this surgery immediately upon my diagnosis, but it was a matter of “we won’t rush into anything yet.” I was unwavering in my faith that God would not allow me to need a surgery that had the potential to be life-threatening, if things didn’t go exactly as hoped. It was Brain Surgery – there was plenty that could go wrong.
Time went by and my condition got worse. Still, it was unthinkable to me that I would need this surgery. After all, God is my healer, and all He had to do is speak the word and I would be healed. In my mind, there was no more to it than that.
By early 2005, my physical problems had worsened to the point that there was no doubt I needed a healing miracle from God, or the consequences would be grave. It was then that I questioned God more desperately than I had before. He was faithful to reveal Himself and His love to me through Scripture and wonderful times of knowing His presence as I prayed. He brought people into my life who encouraged my faith and they prayed for me.
Then, the roles reversed. Instead of me questioning God, I felt that He was asking me a question…”Are you willing to trust Me, even when the unthinkable happens?” For me, that would be actually having this surgery. I can’t say that my answer to God came easily or immediately. I had to pray, pray and then pray some more. As I did that, God began to change my heart. I had been consumed with fear of what “could” happen, but the more fervently I cried out to Him (and I do mean that literally), He surrounded me with His love. As 1 John 4:18 says, “perfect love drives out fear.”
I’d been a committed Christian for a long time, but until that happened, I really didn’t “get” how much God loves me. His love for each one of us is perfect. There is no flaw or lack in His love whatsoever. It was only through this experience that I came to know God as my heavenly Father. Even when I didn’t know the future, He did. In time, my attitude changed and I was no longer afraid. Instead, I completely trusted that God’s love wouldn’t fail me. Regardless of what happened, whether I lived or died in this world, it was in His hands, and my eternal future was safe. If He was allowing me to go through this, He had His reasons that were for my ultimate good. When my surgery day came in March 2005, I went into the Operating Room in full peace and confidence that God was with me.
I didn’t get the physical healing that I had been praying for. But, because of that surgery I am alive today, and while limited in some ways, I do live a productive life. Even more importantly, I did get a spiritual healing. I am now able to deal with fear, with faith that my life is completely in God’s hands. His plans for me are always good, even if it doesn’t appear that way from the beginning. Trusting God is always the right thing to do.
Now I know the meaning of the Job’s words, “My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.”
Are you facing any situation today where you feel the Lord may be asking you to trust Him wholeheartedly? Just maybe, He wants to reveal Himself to you, so that you will truly “see” him in a whole new way.
My prayer today, “Father, thank you for Your love. Thank you for having a great plan for my life. Please help me to trust You more. I desire to see you through the eyes of faith. Please help me to live as Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV) says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.” In Jesus’ Name, AMEN.
